A Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer is to computing what a McDonalds Certified Food Specialist is to fine cuisine
Arguing with an engineer is like wrestling with a pig in mud, after a while you realise the pig is enjoying it.
If I were Britannia, I'd waive the rules - Julian Cope
Windows - A thirty-two bit extension and GUI shell to a sixteen bit patch to an eight bit operating system originally coded for a four bit microprocessor and sold by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition.
Hi! I'm a signature virus. Copy me into your sig file and help me spread!
This is a sig virus. Please put me in your sig.
Don't use the "Google Slashdot" button or we'll "Slashdot Google"
I fought the lawn and the ... lawn won.
My question is: where is the goat in goatse?
int WoodChuck::howMuchChuckedWood(){int count = 0; while(couldChuckWood()){chuckWood(); count++;} return count;}
chown USA /bin/laden; rm -f /bin/laden; ln /dev/null /bin/laden
pkill -9 /bin/laden;rm -rf /bin/laden;find /home/taliban -exec rm {} \;
In /dev/null no one can hear you stream.
It said Windows 2000 or better, so I bought a Mac
MBA's: Can't live with 'em. Can't legally torture them to death.
Recursive: Adj. See Recursive.
You can now flame me, I am full of love
Don't blame me if there are bugs. Blame the cute, furry one. -- Rusty Russel
Access to www.tuxedo.org has been denied by SurfControl.
Thou shalt not follow the Null Pointer, for at its end Madness and Chaos lie.
I'm not going to fire a $2M missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It will be decisive--W
If God gave us curiosity& intelligence we would be ungrateful if we supressed our passion to explore the universe
Does this .sig make my butt look big?
What happens when pasta and antipasta collide?
Microsoft is the C:\ of all evil
This Text copyrighted by stupid US copyright laws :P
Quick! Someone stop him! He's got the plot device!
The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.
Disclaimer: Opinions cited by me are not necessarily my opinions. Facts cited by me are not necessarily facts.
.Sig wanted: Must be concise, funny, and display my cleverness.
Caution: Between the rambling and drooling an occasional brilliant comment might slip out
All Your [d:\win98\Base*.cab] Are Belong to Us
What's the point of killing someone if you can't eat them too?
Someone deleted my .sig. Can I have yours?
Microserf:What are we going to do tonight, Bill?
Bill:Same thing we do every night. Try to take over the world.
Bill:Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Microserf?
Microserf:I think so, Bill...But how are we going to eliminate open source without a pink weasel?
Bill:Shut up, Microserf.
256 Terabytes should be enough for anyone. - W. Gates IV, 2032, from The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said, Vol. 32, 2099
According to the laws of science a thing must have mass and take up space in order to exist, the laws of science do not have mass, the laws of science do not take up space, therefore by the laws of science the laws of science do not exist.
Your compiler will be classified as a "protection circumvention device". You will have to license it.
Apple Computers... proudly going out of business for over twenty years.
All opinions expressed herein are my own, and not those of my employers, who are appalled.
Slashdot: When News Breaks, We Give You The Pieces
The assembler gave birth to the compiler. Now there are ten thousand languages. - Tao of Programming
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God. (Alan Perlis)
I found the secret of life! But forgot to write it down...
This space unintentionally left unblank.
$ chown -R us:us yourbase
I used to have a decent sig, but I got bored of it
The easiest way to get shot is to carry a gun -- Atticus Finch
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
I steal your .sigs
UNIX? They're probably not even circumcised! Savages!
I intend to live forever, so far so good.
.sig Heil ... uhm ... I mean ... .sig HeiL inux
All your .sig are belong to us!
The shareholder is always right.
When CmdrTaco awoke one morning from troubled dreams he found himself transformed into a monstrous troll.
The only thing there is to fear is /. itself.
Insert mind here.
What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.
Can anyone spare a sig? i've run out.
I only read /. for the witty sigs.
"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.
Slashdot, where pointless nitpicking (often) == karma : )
Caution: Now approaching the (technological) singularity.
Don't let THEM imminetize the eschaton.
Ad in classifieds: Pandora's Box (no box) $5
Programming is like sex... make one mistake, and support it the rest of your life.
Give me liberty or give me the blue screen of death.
The problem with making computers complete idiots can use is you have complete idiots using computers.
Official /. Fanclub Cairo, Egypt
1 Member and Counting
ultimate_answer_t deep_thought( void ) { sleep( years2secs( 7500000 ) ); return 42; }
Black holes occur when God divides by zero.
Children who read the -1 comments on Slashdot will be exposed to things that are unfit even for adults. - Linuxplane
No my posts aren't trolls - I'm just an asshole in general.
If lollipops were outlawed, only criminals would suck.
the silly student / he writes really bad haiku / readers all go mad
They who give up essential fromjom to obtain a little temporary jiggyjazz deserve neither.- Bill Cosby
If at first we don't succede, we run the risk of failure - Dan Quayle
Sigmentation fault. Comment dumped.
When encryption is outlawed, only the outlaws will have ATM machines...
This is my .sig, there are many like it, but this one is mine.
$666,000 the salary of the Beast
grep what -i sed?
Yeah, Windows is great... I used it to download Linux
A government by the dollar and for the dollar...
I think you need to flash your brain's firmware.
What is the sound of one belly slapping?
Why do geeks think Halloween and Christmas occure on the same day ? Because 31oct = 25dec !
I don't feel too good today ... just got my SAT scores back - I failed the Turing test
everything in vb is to obvious to be funny
All you key are belong to us.
My Other Sig Is Hilarious
TODO: think up clever signature and place it here
Windows.. Good for targeting rocks.
Reality corrupted. Reboot universe? (Y/N)
|--------------------DO NOT WRITE IN THIS SPACE -----------------------------|
Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons!
Freedom is the freedom to say that 2 + 2 = 4
linux exploits? (Score:4, Flamebait)
by Lxy on Wednesday October 17, @21:44 (#2443542)
(User #80823 Info)
doing a quick search on bugtraq, I see a lot of linux exploit code too. Hmm... let's blame the linux exploit code for the net-stopping worms like... ummm... and also the.. ahhh... well, you know. No Microsoft, making exploit code widely available does make make your product less secure. You do.
Sig for sale. Slightly used, small scratches. Trades welcome.
No, I don't have a signature, and yes, I do realize that this isn't very clever.
Oh shit! I forgot to click "Post Anonymously"...
...Beware the IDEs of Microsoft...
Trolls, it must be cool to be that bored.
Software is like sex -- it's better if RMS isn't involved.
you've corrupted the Borg -Picard to Lore
When you decide to surrender, approach Microsoft forces with your hands in the air. Sling your keyboard across your back muzzle towards the ground. Remove your ethernet cable and expel any disks. Doing this is your only chance of survival.
We regret to inform you that, due to the current economic climate, we were unable to obtain funding for a sig.
Writing a Haiku
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic
I'll see your DMCA and raise you a First Amendment!
root means never having to say you're sorry
¨¨°º©o¿,,¿o©º°
steal this sig
This .sig is false.
On Slashdot, nobody knows you're really CowboyNeal.
Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!
We are Microsoft. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
I will bend your mind with my spoon.
"Oh bother," said Pooh, as he hid Piglet's mangled corpse. dbishop
They need a sign in Congress that says "Don't feed the lawyers".
Spelling mistakes left as an exercise for the reader
This sig made only from recycled ASCII
WARN_(accel)("msg null; should hang here to be win compatible\n"); -- WINE source code
_____________
Firstly, you will be aware that the Microsoft Corporation only releases its source code to partners who have signed a non-disclosure agreement. Secondly, the code you have published on the satirical "Slashdot" web-site infringes US Patent number 666-666-666, where we protected the intellectual property (over 5000 man years) embodied in the following error trapping routine:
main( arguments ){
try{
--code goes here--
}catch( exception ){
exec(blue_screen_of_death)
}}
_____________
YOU CALL THAT ERROR HANDLING? MY GRANNY DOES BETTER ERROR HANDLING THAN THAT...
Linux business plan:
1. Write Free software.
2. ???
3. Profit!!!
For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. -- H L Mencken
Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for your account is crunchy and tastes good with ketchup
If I wanted your input on this project, I'd stick my hand up your ass and use you like a sock-puppet. - Muse
I have principles, and if you don't like them...then I have others
¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤
Help! I am a pirated copy of Microsoft Sig! Please inform the SPA!
You should never invite policemen or vampires into your home
The European finds intercourse with Americans easy and agreeable. -- Albert Einstein
The world is run by idiots because they're more efficient than hamsters.
I used to know the secret of Zen, but I remembered it.
The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned. -Bruce Ediger
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wagn'nagl dominos.
In his house in R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits for the pizza man
Stop, pay troll :-)
Poor girl looks as confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market. - Simon R. Green
The Internet, of course, is more than just a place to find pictures of people having sex with dogs. - Time Magazine
XP is really nothing new. New GUI (oooh, pretty colors!) and a crappy firewall, and microsoft asks for your personal information every ten seconds.
The Lottery: Tax on the stupid.
+++ BASELINE REALITY FAILURE+++
+++ PLEASE REBOOT UNIVERSE +++
Ok, the cats dead, for sure. I looked in the box, and found out that Dr. Schrodenger had killed it with a hammer.
Slashdot - News for Herds. Stuff that Splatters.
If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Giving money and power to Government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ~~ P.J. O'Rourke
Using the internet as it was originally intended... for the further research of pornography and pipebombs.
I trolled Katz and all I got was this lousy 50 karma.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. (Einstein)
Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. - Unknown
Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach either, do tech support.
"Information wants to be expensive" - Stewart Brand, the same guy who said "Information wants to be free"
"Daddy, maybe we can use Linux to fix Windows?" --my daughter, age 3
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Yes, I'm always this drunk.
Never argue with an idiot, they'll only drag you down to their level then beat you by experience
Come to think of it, there already are a million monkeys at a million typewriters, and usenet is _NOTHING_ like Shakespeare. - Blair Houghton.
Everything is double ROT-13 encoded for extra security
Karma 666 (mostly the sum of violation done to users comments)
Whoever told them that the truth shall set them free was obviously and grossly unfamiliar with federal law
ERR 411[Max number of witty sigs reached]
I will bend your mind with my spoon.
/.'ers are a bunch of boring, loser, uber geeks. I wish I was that cool.
If you are a happy employee does that make you 'gruntled'?
you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper. -L. Flynt
I am a big, fluffy, cute, cuddly bunny. fear me.
Computers are useless, they only give answers. --Pablo Picasso
Last week, I left my 2 XP CD's on my dashboard in plain view. Someone broke into my car and left 2 more.
RMS-free software is like a Kenneth-Starr-free blowjob
Lend a man a PC and he'll surf for a day. Give a man a PC and you're his tech support forever.
"My network's got no nodes!","How does it smell?","(sniffs packets) Awful!"
Never trust a programmer that doesn't have facial hair.
Right now I have approx. 3 KB RAM left. Still enough to do a lot of useful stuff.
You're a valued member to us, [error 4: name not found]!
Wizards Guild parking ONLY! Violators will be toad.
I'm a cross compiler. At weekends I dress up as Pascal...
Since year 2000 is now safely behind us, we can now resume coding the year into 2 digit fields.
I'm a sysadmin. If you see me running, save your work.
To decode this comment into a readable form, rot13 it twice.
Silly Rabbit...Sig's are for kids.
If it weren't for jumping to conclusions, I doubt anyone whould get any excercise at all around here!
job Placement, n.: Telling your boss what he can do with your job
For a list of the ways which technology has failed to improve our quality of life, press 3.
Bill Gates - The man who named his company after his penis.
God is real unless declared integer
no one must ever know that Windows XP is written in Visual Basic...
I pleadge alegence to the flag, which is copywrited, patented, and trademarked by Liberty OmniCorp, 2002, of the United Corporate States of America, and to the corporate republic, for which it stands, one nation, under CEO, with power and profits for big business.
Moderators: Please do not moderate me up. I'm a conscientious karma objector!
LART 'em all, let /root grep them out.
Complaining about biases at Slashdot is like complaining about Taco Bell not serving Big Macs.
Abusing the /. moderation system at every opportunity.
It's the queers. They're in it with the aliens. They're building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to God
I want to own a monkey. Or a Congressman. Not much difference.
Making ones onier since 11111000000
You spelled Arkansas wrong, but that's OK because no one from there would know anyway
Tequilla - It's not just for breakfast anymore
Karma 50. Will troll for beer
Luke Skywalker was a terrorist
One law to rule them all. One law to find them. One law to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. DMCA of Mordor
My other computer is spongy gray matter
Slashdot: the most successful troll ever!
Slashdot poster seeking available .sig for long-term relationship.
I'm sorry! I was temporarily blinded by your banner ads.
Pinky: "What are we going to do tomorrow night Brain?"
Brain: "I would tell you Pinky but this 120 char limi
Have crack, will moderate.
If I wasn't so lazy, I'd have a sig.
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. - Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.
Getting a hardon doesn't constitute personal growth...
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea. - Robert Anton Wilson
You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are. -- Colonel Adolphus Busch
If present trends continue, my mothers house will be filled to the ceiling with decorative throw pillows by 2006.
Another day closer to a microsoft free world
...A no smoking section in a restaurant is like having a no peeing section in a swimming pool...
"e:-1" is the Slashdot Troll Emoticon. Often seen after the word "Scor"
Remember: it's a "Microsoft virus", not an "email virus", a "Microsoft worm", not a "computer worm".
Solution: put Arafat, Sharon and a knife in a locked room. The survivor gets life in prison for murder.
the above is my personal opinion and does not necessarily reflect that of the little voices in my head.
Very few animals were harmed in the making of this post.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Give a man religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
29A....The Hexidecimal of the Beast
I started with nothing and I still have most of it left.
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.
I can't moderate, so I troll instead.
The trouble with the global village are all the global village idiots - Paul Ginsparg
Computers don't make mistakes, They achieve Negative Destiny Events.
Why yes, I AM a rocket scientist!
People seem much brighter after being set on fire.
Give a man fire and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.
when you compile with linux, you compile with communism!
You hafe no balls and are all homosexulle
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin
There are only two things that have come out of Berkeley; LSD and Unix. And that's NOT a coincidence!
I get speech too? I only installed it for the beer...
Earth First - We'll strip mine the other planets later.
My reality check bounced.
Imagining Beowulf Clusters since 1996.
I'm too sexy for my code. - Awk Sed Fred
Nuke the unborn gay baby whales for Jesus
Don't forget! When you're stealing TV (that you paid for), you're watching communism. :P
History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. - T. Jefferson
$665.95 -- retail price of the beast.
(from W98SE setup):
Press finish to continue starting Windows.
Resistance is Fertile
When I die I want to go just like my grandfather, in his sleep, not screaming like the other people in the car.
Microsoft sumus. Resistere inutile est
Give a man some gum and he'll chew for a day. Teach him how to scrape gum off things and he'll chew for a lifetime
Perl - $Just @when->$you ${thought} s/yn/tax/ &couldn\'t %get $worse;
Why do conservatives and conservationists have so little in common?
Anarchists never rule
Yes, your sig is much better than mine...
I'll have the cleavage. I mean the special.
The best way to accelerate a windows box is at 9.8 meters per second square
It was penguin lust...at its worst.
EMACS is a great and versatile operating system, it only needs a decent text editor.
I sig therefore I am...
Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest - Cactus Ed Abbey
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Where's all the free beer?
Reality is for those who can't face Science Fiction
It says "My Computer" because Bill thinks that putting his software on it makes it his. This explains a lot.
I came, I conquered, I coredumped
I am the anti-interesting. People look at me and already they know too much. - Me
Putting the IT in Sh**
Nahhh... if Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms munching pills and listening to electronic music. Oh wait... - kyletinsley
I'm out of my tree just now but please feel free to leave a banana.
Psychology is just reverse engineering people
The Schrodinger petshop is closed due to unforeseen circumstances
I only got as far as the 3 Arrs in pirate school...
Business is a good game-lots of competition and a minimum of rules. You keep score with money. - Nolan Bushnell
I can't give you a brain, so I'll give you a diploma - The Great Oz
Temptation doesn't corrupt. It reveals.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
A programmer is a machine for turning coffee into source code
Every law means a gun
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol content
The above does not represent the views of my employer(s), except for the bit about the cows.
I think it would be a good idea - Ghandi, on Western Civilisation
fetch daddy's blue bright wig, i must be handsome when i release my rage
I Quite frankly, I don't _want_ people using Linux for ideological reasons. I think ideology sucks. - Linus
640K is enough for anyone? WTF are you smoking man!? 640K won't hold a list of all the damn viruses for Outlook
You are lost in a twisty maze of little standards, all different.
A thorough software professional is one who when his wife yells at him "goto hell", worries more about the goto.
Living in a fantasy is much more entertaining. I think everyone should join a religion at some point.
Rant over. Please go about your business.
Me want cookie....
Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. - Bob Edwards
[...an epiphany occurred while processing this directive...]
• 9345837475 replies beneath your current threshhold.
We'll know that we are truly equal when we can order bulletproof vests by cup size
Just because people don't understand you doesn't mean you're an artist
*sing* I'm a karma whore and I'm okay.
I work all night and I post all day.
I troll /. and flame Jon Katz.
DSL is LSD backwards
If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way. -- Mark Twain
I don't know that atheists should be considered citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. - George Bush Snr.
Gene modification will be legalized once scientists discover the wang size gene.
I hate Linux because it made me type man mount.
Microsoft Business Plan:
1. Dominate the minds of every sentient on Earth.
2. ???
3. Profit!
sacred cows make great hamburgers
Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two.
Damn slashdot hippies
Microsoft "who do we want to own today?"
positions 47 and 115 of the Kama Sutra were the same except in 115 the woman had her fingers crossed - Oscar Wilde
I don't need to test my programs. I have an error-correcting modem. - Om I. Baud
Wanted: Will trade slightly used governmental system of checks and balances w/ personal freedom for SAFETY.
Nuke the gay whales
politicians are cheaper if you buy them in bulk
My karma went from 80 to 50 and is now Excellent. Nirvana has been ordered, and should be here any minute - Noryungi
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it!
So I'm a pervert. Welcome to the Internet.
Why does everyone use flash. Come-on it is the M$ of the Web.
Cause it is cool and it pisses linux fags like yourself off. Have fun scrolling text, lamer.
I am in wallow with my inner money grubbing capitalistic pig. ... Oink!
Microsoft is the only fortune 500 company named after its founder's genitals
multitasking - noun: The process of equally ignoring multiple simultaneous tasks.
A paperless office has about as much a chance as a paperless bathroom
This email message has been automatically encrypted using ROT-26
It was me. I did it. I moved your cheese!
I am posting this information on the Internet to make it true. - James "Kibo" Parry
Pop quiz: In what country does a cartoon mouse enjoy more legal protection than an individual's privacy?
It's not the pace of life that concerns me. It's the sudden stop at the end
This is your signature. This is your signature on drugs.
Teach a fish to man, and suddenly he's a UNIX expert
if linux is like a free-love hippie chick...microsoft windows is a high priced dominatrix that makes you pay to get locked in a wooden box and then when you try to pay more to be let out, you are just told that true pleasure is being locked in a wooden box.
A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head
Vi Vi Vi, the text editor of the beast
They call this a DeMoCrAcy?
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo
What do you mean WE , paleface?
What? You think you're too good to collect a stranger's urine?
You stole my sig!
Support your local medical examiner: die strangely
management is nature's way of removing idiots from the productive flow
If you hold a Unix shell to your ear, do you hear the C?
Virus info: W32/Explorer.exe, Known aliases: Windows, Effect: Causes computer to crash often
Smoking is an expensive, slow, and unreliable method of suicide
Real programmers don't comment! It was hard to write, It should be hard to read!
Adobe is a Patriotic Great American Corporation(tm), while the rest of us are just Evil Terrorist Content Pirates(tm).
C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.
Call me a 'troll' a million times, but you *still* lack decent evidence OOP is objectively better
If at first you don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
Information wants to be tied up and spanked.
Tape Backup. The act of using tape to keep your sticky notes from falling off the monitor.
You can't grep a dead tree.
Information wants to be anthropomorphized.
Those who give up essential liberty to purchase a little safety will receive 25% off their insurance premiums
But Daddy, there are trolls beneath my current threshold!
I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
Partnership for a Drug-Addled America
The French are united by a common enemy...each other.
man woman: No manual entry for woman.
Windows still sucks, Linux is still in beta, AMD makes chips worth buying, 3Dfx is no more, AOL is spelled EVIL, Apple is cool again, Be is no longer cool (sorry OpenBeOS guys), Netscape is abbriviated EVIL, Internet Explorer still sucks, Lord of the Rings was finally made into a movie, The Phantom Menace blew goats, Natalie Portman is still hot despite her lack of petrification, apparently all my base are belong to someone, the internet is now aplace where evil cool people hang out, being a geek still gets you beat up, slashdot has advertisements, Rob STILL doesn't acknowlege story submitters and user comments as being important in the slightest to the popularity of slashdot, Stephen King has died several times at various ages, and even I have imagined a Beowulf cluster of naked and petrified Natalie Portmans pouring hot grits down my pants.
Hi! I'm from the Internet.
Half of Usenet is pouring scorn, the other half is doing the opposite. - Verity Stob
BREAKING NEWS: ROB MALDA FILES PATENT ON TROLLING, TROLLS WHINE LOUDLY IN CAPS
The trouble with the straight and the narrow is it's so thin I keep falling off to the sides...
Waht? Tehr's a preveiw buottn?
Unix is user friendly, it's just selective with what users it wants to be friendly with.
errr....umm...*whooosh* *whoosh* Is this thing on ?
Every time I take a negative karma hit, a kitten dies. Mwa ha ha!
Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.
In Heaven music is English, girls Australian, beer German.In Hell beer is Australian, girls English, music German
When thou takest thine manhood into thy hand for the purpose of spilling thine own seed upon the ground thou committeth adultery in thy heart and in thy hand. Yea, for each spilling of your seed, I will smite a kitten even as kittens are upon the face of the earth. Hear Me oh Israel, I Am The Lord Thy God. - Philistines 5:12-14
The End of the World As We Know It has been rescheduled for next Thursday. Sorry for the inconvenience
.vbs = Virus Bearing Script
MCSE = Mentally Challenged Slave of the Empire
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... Oh wait, he does.
I'm not in favor of senseless Micro$oft bashing. I'm in favor of bashing Micro$oft senseless.
I am helpless against your volley of acronyms.
have I been accidentally reverse-self-meta-trolled?
while(reading_slashdot == TRUE){ ++nerdiness; --social_life;}
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will get you sued for libel.
The man with tremendous wealth is a paradox: he has to be smart enough to get it, yet stupid enough to want it.
Wow, can you imagine how big Emacs will be once they are done with it?
Kiddies to the left of me, Lawyers to the right. Here I am stuck in the middle with GNU.
The outrageous marketing claims of my employeer do not represent my own opinions.
Not only does God play dice, but...he sometimes throws them where they cannot be seen. - Stephen Hawking
What are we supposed to fear today?
Evil company X is threatening to restrict our rights! Let's all get together to stop--OOOH! SHINEY!!!
Imagine a beowulf cluster of funny .sigs
An enemy wizard is approaching your slashdot! All of your karmawhores have been slained.
Microsoft Palladium - Where the Hell do you think YOU'RE going today?
When the state sends a man to prison, it becomes a gay dungeon master.
Microsoft Rule #3: GUI standards are no longer necessary. Shiny objects are always user-friendly.
AllYourBase InSovietRussia ImagineBeowulfClusters Of Goatse.cx
The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it!
You can usually make something more idiot proof. However, nature can always make a better idiot.
I can tell you the meaning of life, but you have to promise not to laugh.
Rimmer: Go to red alert.
Kryten: Are absolutely sure, sir? It does mean changing the bulb.
Keep your friends close, and your enemies in a small jar on your desk.
I wish I could hear the soundtrack to my life. That way I'd know when to duck
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
A language is a dialect with an army
It's everything a pinko right-wing unpatriotic commie liberal bastard could possibly need at a cocktail party.
Life is fair? May I see your contract, please...
If you think education is expensive, you should try ignorance
all your bleeping gadgets are slathered in the blood of the proletariat
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants. -Jefferson
Slashdot Janitors are fascist demon children bent on destroying the world - CmdrTaco
GPL: Free as in Herpes
I am not a man! I am a free number!
Food for thought. Or at least cotton candy.
What message would you like to send to the teenagers of America? Your hats are backward. - Dave Barry FAQ
It was half way to Rivendell when the drugs began to take hold" - Hunter S Tolkien "Fear and Loathing in Barad Dur"
"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." -- Oscar Wilde
As a rule of thumb, the more qualifiers there are before the name of a country, the more corrupt the rulers. A country called The Socialist People's Democratic Republic of X is probably the last place in the world you'd want to live. - Paul Graham
It's not my fault! Look! It's some guy named General Protection! --Ratbert
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. - George Best
Obviously Perl's strength is its self-encrypting code.
If you need your program to be buggy, you write it in C. If you need your program to interoperate with the legions of the great deciever, Satan himself, you write it in C#. If it needs to be slow, you need to write it in Java. If the program doesn't actually do anything, but you want to cause yourself some sort of permanent brain damage that no one can clearly explain, work in Visual Basic. If you need the source to be utterly incomprehensible, you have to go with Perl (the development time in InterCAL is prohibitive). If most of the keys on your keyboard have broken off, the wise course is to pursue development in Cobol. If you're whiny-voiced limpwristed eurotrash you'll program in Ada for some reason that even now escapes me. CowboyNeal is of course superior to all other languages, but the compiler only exists for OS/2 running on a SPARC, limiting its utility. -- Sam Handelman
The light at the end of the tunnel is probably a burning truck.
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9 AM, it's because they were up all night
Java: the COBOL of the new millenium.
The internet is now closed. Please log off now.
What parts of "shall make no law", "shall not be infringed", and "shall not be violated" don't you understand?
"The Internet interprets censorship as damage and routes around it," John Gilmore
slashdot is a plot by microsoft to destroy the productivity of linux users
America has the best justice money can buy!
.cig - what you do after winning a good flame war
Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion. - Jed Babbin
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.--Jack Handey
I found my inner child, then I got caught abusing it...
Posting as the little voices in my head dictate
You must be thinking of America 98. We're running America XP now. The license agreement requires that you upgrade or uninstall your citizenship.
there is no god and I am his prophet. God is dead. Religion is Santa Claus for adults.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. --Arthur C. Clarke
Any sufficiently debased science fiction is indistinguishable from daytime soap opera
Oh, so that's what an invisible barrier looks like. - Fidgit, Time Bandits
I thought the first rule of software was: "No software is truly complete until it can read email".
I guess we need a second rule: "Once software reads email, it must be split into pieces."
I'm waiting for a third rule: "Each piece must then evolve until it can read email again." -- tomk
In the former Soviet Russia, bugs execute bad programmers.
XML Supports Constructive Finger-Pointing
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than that of whether a submarine can swim.
my hovercraft is full of eels
"What we have in this country is socialism for the rich and free enterprise for the poor" --Gore Vidal
"I now inform you that you are too far from reality." --Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, Iraqi Minister of Information (currently on administrative leave).
un©onstitutional
Who would Jesus Bomb?
Anybody know where I can get some toilet paper with DMCA printed on it?
mp3's don't kill record companies, people kill record companies
I guess it is multi-threaded. I mean, I could wiggle the hourglass!
he who buys computer gear from a place that also sells washing machines will soon receive an expensive education.
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Your flag will never replace my freedom.
We shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed & love of power. - O'Rourke
Don't waive your rights while waving your flag
You want some freedom with those fries?
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
Repeat after me, we are all individuals
Strong typing is a crutch for people with weak memories.
Eagle said of Edelman "He's only touching a part of the elephant."
Imagine a perfect world, one without hate or war. Then imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.
Money wants to be free and LOVES to travel!
A.D. 610: The Glorious MEEPT!! founds Islam after receiving a revelation from God. Following his disappearance from Slashdot in 632, a succession dispute results in the emergence of two troll factions: the Pythonni and the Perliites.
if(democrats == republicans) {vote(libertarian);}
I take drugs seriously.
SCO has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down
The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. --Henry Kissinger
I came for the speech. I stayed for the beer.
Hmmmm... Mint sauce boiled +50 trolls...
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
Sarcasm for Dummies
-Yes, I know /. is slanted. It still irritates me though.
-Well, if it wasn't slanted it'd be |.
If the software includes a whiny, bearded guy who demands you change the name of your project -- is it still free?
There is no place like 127.0.0.1
To err is human. To really screw things u-+p you need the root password.
I just do the usual officey kind of stuff, download pictures of attractive and pliant young donkeys - Andrew Thomas
It's a poodle. Put it on delicate.
I need a girl who's name doesn't end with .JPG
I rooted your girlfriend's box, and I didn't use a trojan
Radio Shack. You've got questions...we've got blank stares™.
It's not a crack house, it's a crack home.
War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography. -- Ambrose Bierce
Mt. St. Helen put more garbage in the air than the entire history of mankind
God is real unless declared integer
Are you claiming that Linux is just a parody of Unix?
I find it laughable that Microsoft would like you to believe that with an MCSE alone a user can administrate your company’s cluster of servers. I wouldn’t let one near my playstation.
I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.
Don't sweat the petty things. But do pet the sweaty things.
The mening of life is left as an exercise to the reader.
If women ran the world, we'd still be searching for the wheel - maddox
YOU + WEBCAM - CLOTHES - DIGNITY = $$$
maddox
I don't proof-read or spellcheck, it would ruin the ambiance.
Where will Microsoft try to drag you today?
Do you really want to go there?
The floggings will continue until morale improves
you're all figments of my deranged imagination
Be aware that beer contains a lot of female hormons. If you drink too much you start takling nonsense and you're unable to drive a car.
sacred cows are there to be barbequed
I, for one, welcome our new Spelling Nazi Overlords.
One world, One web, One program - Microsoft Ad
Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer - Adolf Hitler
It's bad luck to be superstitious
I supported the war so I could get cheaper gas
Don't forget kids, the faster you download the bigger your penis is.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! stupid homeland security Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
while (!asleep()) sheep++;
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.-Douglas Adams
Hoked on fonix werked fer me!
Sadly, it costs a lot of money to exercise free speech in America.
Give me liberty or give me something of equal or lesser value from your catalog
Now that the record industry is on its last legs, let's fucking kick it to death -Johnny Rotten
Spell Check? I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Object Orientation was only invented to make our job more mysterious
I get all my news and opinions from trolls.
"It sure was strange to see something on Usenet about me that didn't involve Klingon gang rape." -- Wil Wheaton
SCO is no longer a software firm, but a publicly traded lawsuit
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."...IBM Chairman Thomas Watson, 1943
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."...Popular Mechanics, 1949
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."...Digital Equipment Corporation Chairman Ken Olson, 1977
"By the turn of this century, we will live in a paperless society."...General Motors Chairman Roger Smith, 1986
Q: What do you get when you cross a Post Modernist with a Mafioso?
A: An offer you can't understand.
If I drive fast enough at the red light, it'll appear green!
Viewing the file in hex and yelling it out across the room to somebody else who types it back in is more reliable than Hummingbird's NFS.
How do you define no glitches?
#define NOGLITCHES
combining the reliability of Microsoft software with the user friendly attributes of Unix software
(\(\
(^.^)
(")")
*This is the cute bunny virus, please copy this into your sig so it can spread
"'Blackmail' is such an ugly word. I prefer 'extortion'" -Darl McBride
A religious war is an adult version of a fight over who has the best imaginary friend
Stop the Slashdot Effect! Don't read the articles!
What people refer to as the "free market" currently is better described as a global welfare state for fat guys in suits
Linux is a cross between religion and politics - Darl McBride
I like my women like I like my coffee - tied in a sack and thrown over the back of a donkey.
I like my women like I like my coffee - ground up and kept in the freezer.
I like my women like I like my coffee - cold and bitter.
cyber-sex, noun, the act of masturbating while in a chat room or IM conversation with a hary 35 year old guy while he pretends to be a pretty young woman
you should vote for Cthulhu on November 2. Why settle for a lesser evil?
Power currupts. Powerpoint corrupts absolutely.
We're sorry, but the Internet is currently full. Please try again later.
Windows XP crashed.
I am the blue screen of death.
No one hears your screams.
Heard about the dyslexic devil worshippers? They sacrificed a virgin to SANTA. - troc
Bullshit (BS)
More of the Same (MS)
Piled Higher and Deeper (PhD)
From the Committee to Re-Elect the President: "Don't change horsemen, mid-apocalypse."
Verbogeny is one of the pleasurettes of a creative thinkerizer.
my mom runs linux and 0wn3d your moms Linux boxen
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
"Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest." - Jean Meslier ( -1729)
Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
I am Sartre of the Borg. Existence is futile.
Oh crap, I said heck, I'm going to hell...
In any formula, constants are to be treated as variables
I've got nothing against Linux... it's just its fan club I can't stand.
Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
"Just once, I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'you're making a scene'." --Homer
I type porn keywords so often that and I cunt spell right either.
You may have to right to bear arms but I have the right to arm bears.
I've found the loophole in democracy: it's stupid people - vast masses of stupid people.
Putting the romance back into necromancer.
I am become Troll, destroyer of threads.
What science needs is more Page 3 girls
Forking makes Jesus cry
BeOS combines the best features of all the major operating systems:
. the ease-of-use of the Macintosh
. the power and flexibility of Linux
. Minesweeper from Windows
Evil robots don't kill people, Mad scientists kill people.
Replace this text with your personal "sig" or risk looking like a complete idiot.
I love vegetarians - some of my favorite foods are vegetarians.
*Cthulhu not drawn to scale.
>>Copyright is censorship.
Chocolate cake is rape.
Oh, wait...that doesn't make sense either.
"The Americans will always do the right thing... after they've exhausted all the alternatives." -- Winston Churchill
A conservative is a liberal who has been mugged. A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.
Babelfish of ratings on Slashdot Japan: "it is interesting" "it is strange funny" "splendid discernment"
There are only 2 kinds of people: those who null-terminate strings, and those who don't.D#D6^@48FLQF#86F4SSDF#T%T()*
We do not inherit the land from our ancestors - we borrow it from our children
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
I can't believe it's not lard!
Its the Internet, where men are men, women are men and children are FBI agents...and they're men!
Jesus used to be my co-pilot, but we crashed in the mountains and I had to eat him.
Control panels are for pussies - and 500 cryptic text files are for masochists
Degaussing scares the bad magnetism out of the monitor and fills it with good karma.
the Bush Administration outlawed logic because logic can be used by terrorists plotting terrorist attacks.
× Sigs cause cancer. ×
"well organized bands of anarchists are roaming the streets of Washington."
Got my mucking ferds wuddled up.
America: fast becoming a modern fascist theocracy
Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parent, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers. - Socrates 400 BC
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. -- Terry Pratchett
The problem with lawyers is that 99% of them give the rest a bad name.
Look! 8192 new shades of dark gray for d00m 4!
Unions: the people who brought you the weekend.
Start fast, crash early, leave a good looking error message.
FreeBSD: Open Source without that fishy smell
I am Sartre of the Borg. Existence is futile.
Men are just sperm donors with wallets
your wonderful computer science masturbation effort otherwise known as Java - IgnoramusMaximus
C -- all the speed of assembly, with all the programming ease of assembly.
(_!_) This is your butt.
(_O_) This is your butt on goatse.cx.
Any questions?
It has to have an excercise room, otherwise you couldn't not use it.
Bad English is regrettable but bad scotch is unforgivable.
Les Francais sont des singes de capitulation qui mangent du fromage.
HTTP 420: Server is smoking.
I think Microsoft has a PR problem. Largely deservedly, I would say. - Linus Torvalds
Relaxen und watch das blinkenlights...
I will stick to my writing C in sand and running Linux in my head.
without software to do something useful... the hardware's nothing more than a really complicated space heater - Neal Stephenson
Don't blame me, I voted for Cthulhu.
"I have never got Hurd to work"
Probably you had an incompatible version of idealism - Maxwell Demon
dogs have owners; cats have staff
A vote for Cthulhu is a vote for Bush.
...then again, we are talking about MICROS~1
OS X: OpenStep with a bad fright wig and clown nose.
the depreciation rate of computer hardware is such that it's wiser to invest in, say, beer. - Dan's Data
He had become reclusive with the shock of finding out that real, live women didn't have staples in their navels. - darkPHi3er
Dan Rather - putting the BS in CBS
Hi! I'm here to flip your sacred cow on the barbie!
The Internet: Adding insult to pedantry since 1969.
Linux: a 13-year-old reimplementation of a 25-year-old OS - downbad
Currency is the sincerest of flattery
If your company suddenly brings in a bunch of xEOs from an unrelated industry, it's time to find new cheese. - gr8_phk
Need viagra, please contact me if you have any. - CharlesF
If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example. - Steve B
> read slashdot
An hour or two passes. You have achieved nothing.
Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. - Emo Philips
let their routers burn. - dgatwood
See you all at -1 - Mr. Flibble
Capitalization is the difference between "Helping your uncle jack off a horse" and "Helping your uncle Jack off a horse" - NitroWolf
XML munches up bandwidth like a lardy butter lover. - evil_one666
Next expansion: WoW--the Agricultural Revolution. - Thangodin
I don't care if Reagen is dead, I still want to impeach him - ManoMarks
C:\DOS\> C:\DOS\RUN\> RUN:\DOS\RUN\> - adlaiff6